I think it’s a major integrity issue for the church to uphold “Don’t ask. Don’t tell” policies in the government and also in the world of church culture as well. We need to have environments that allow people to tell the (insert expletive of your choice) TRUTH! When Jesus comes to the woman at the well, He does not implement the “Don’t ask. Don’t tell” policy. Thank God she didn’t feel judged and condemned such that she should hide it from him. Real sinners don’t feel shame in front of REAL saints: How about that for a bumper sticker! The church needs to stop encouraging hiding and become a community of honesty and transparency. A Place where imperfect people come together and work their stuff out through the aid of the Holy Spirit and a holy community that knows the transforming power of love…and to celebrate those parts of us that seem less honorable.
On the contrary the (members) of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable…and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which the presentable parts do not require. 1 Corinthians 12:23-24. Wouldn’t that revolutionize a church. “Hi! Are you a crack addict? WOW Awesome. Do you steal from others to get rich? WHOA! What a pleasure to meet your acquaintance. I’ve been looking for someone I could bestow great honor upon. You’re just the person I need, that we need in our midst. Nope, not asking you to change a thing. We’ll love you into that. Grace will take care of that. We just need to celebrate your true identity. Would you come among us so that we may have the chance to look upon you and marvel at God Oh how we really need you.” Nope, we are steady lifting up the people and person (on the microphone) who already has it together.
Hebrews 12:12 says Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees. It actually tells us to bring attention to our weakest areas so that they can be healed and not be further dislocated which happens when we try to act as if everything is alright: sitting at the King’s table, at the place of healing, paralyzed, crippled and lame—and we leave that way simply because there was not found a place for truthfulness and honesty before the Lord and before God’s community of compassion, His people. “Why ain’t the church a place where a sinner can be a sinner, no more?” Why does everyone in the community look so well put together and above reproach? Jesus celebrates sinners, religious people ostracize them. He offers His body and blood to the one who will betray Him. We cut the EARS off of those who are on assignment from a contrary spirit and adversary…
When working with young men who are experiencing some challenges with their sexuality, one of the best things that could happen in my opinion for some of them is that they “come out of the closet.” I have a secret coming out party for them in my head because at least we can call it what it is and work from there. Why the (insert expletive of your choice-remember you said it in your head, not me) would people condemn coming out? Let whatever IT is manifests instead of staying locked up and hidden inside emerging in secret sexual fantasies, dark parks, seedy sex stores and theatres, on the dark streets and alleys where hustling/prostitution occur, craig’s list, sex hook up websites, truck and rest stops, and 9:30 am worship service…acting like a bull in a China Shop. Hecks yeah, come out. Come out to somebody who can keep you accountable and help you hold it together so you won’t bust loose in a fit of uncontrollable passion and risk your health and quite possibly your mortal life because you gotta get it out somehow: It’s called repression. We’re the ones that drive these pastors and leaders insane with our unrealistic expectations of them to be something we aren’t even courageous enough to attempt to live out ourselves. We have just decided to watch them triumph and fail as if we were season ticket holders at a Classic Gladiator Forum and we are crying for BLOOD!
Boys and Girls: DO ask. Do tell. I was at a restaurant and was flattered by a woman’s rather aggressive flirting. This line of questioning was admirable and worthy of emulation if she had a little more tack and finesse.
“Are you married?-No.
Do you want to be married?-Yes.
Do you like women?-Yes. (the question later, once you get to know each other a little more is have you ever sexually been with a woman or man/dated a woman and or man/have sexual attraction toward a woman or man?)
Why aren’t you married?-Really, I don’t know.
My favorite line from her as she looks me up from toe to head:I don’t know either. (GOT-ALMIGHTY…she was bad! LOL)
I will be teaching my daughters and my sisters and women I love to pretty much go through the same line of questioning. If he’s offended by any of the questions, I’d mark an asterisk and come back to that later if he even makes it into round two of interviews. The fact is the reality of molestation, abuse, and relaxation of sexual taboos in our culture make these worthwhile questions. Then ladies, you make a decision about what you can and cannot tolerate. And guys if she has a Don’t ask. Don’t tell policy toward you, I would say she is disqualified because if honesty negatively impacts her perception and love for you, SHE NEVER DID, she probably won’t be able to. Finally, I conclude with my own meager attempt at penning a maxim:
Though the tree may be in their backyard and your fence even separate YOUR property from THEIRS…the branches will extend and the leaves will still fall on your side. Will you wait for them to trim it? Will you wait for them to come over and rake up the leaves? No, it is OUR tree to enjoy both when the leaves fall and to enjoy the new growth when the leaves bud. It’s our beauty and our mess to clean up.Besides, the hidden roots underground probably stretch into your yard anyway. Just because it didn’t start in your backyard doesn’t mean that yours is not impacted.
It is your business. DO ASK DO TELL! Know your status, especially if you are sexually active or might at any moment be sexually active (and except for dead people and infants, that pretty much covers everybody.) Don’t look at me in that religious tone of voice. Know yourself, then KNOW (for) yourself. As a valuable piece of information came to me, if you don’t know, you are dangerous to others and any actions coming from you are criminal in intent. You may not want to know for whatever fears you have, but I deserve to in case I need to.
This Blog of yours is the TRUTH. I am a member of New Birth Atlanta and I am also HIV positive. I have been since 2006. I was one who needs, needed, and still needs help dealing with my sin of homosexuality.
Back in 05, that was one of the worst years of my life. I absolutely hated myself and to this day I still have self esteem issues. I was homeless and basically living out of a barbershop/ beauty salon, an abandoned apartment, and a waffle house all within a span of a few months. There was a strip club up the street called Strokers and I used to walk up and down the road trying to entice dudes to sleep with me….The funniest part about all of that was that these men who were supposed to be straight would actually see me and sleep with me in their cars, the abandoned apartment, or the back of the barber/beauty salon. It was mostly unprotected sex and it was during this particular time in my life that I believe that I contracted HIV…I was only 22years old. I did not find out until 2006, so who knows how many other men i exposed to this deadly disease.
I constantly think about how I could have told someone about what I was going through during this time because I was going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, when we still had Bible study on Wednesday nights. I was active in the ministry, in the choir and yet no one knew of my secret horrible life. I did not know where to turn, and You would think that as large as a church that we ,New Birth is, that we would have the necessary classes, or outlets in place that would help someone like myself but alas…there was none. I still live a secret life and I am not proud of the fact that I still have this issue of homosexuality. Not to mention my disease. I am spiraling out of control and I just need help.
When I did try to get help I was sent to a church way across town that was hard for me to get to because I do not have a car and i live on a very limited budget. That whole experience made me fell like a step child that was just not worth the time and energy to help.
Don’t get me wrong…I love God with all my being….I love My Church, New Birth with all my heart…and I stand beside Bishop Eddie Long for he is a man of God….but there are some things that we as a body of believers need to work on so that I and others like me do not fall through the cracks and die in our secret sins.
I thought that we were at least making headway when we had a one day conference about how to minister to those like me who are struggling with homosexuality but the reality hit me on the day of the conference when there was only about 100 people sparsely seated inside of a 8,000 seat sanctuary and all the ministry leaders, Elders, Ministers, and Deacons as well as the lay members of the church were asked to be there. It gave me the feeling that there was no one who cared about helping us that are crying out for help but don’t know how or who to cry out to…except for the LORD of lords and the KING of kings.
Anywho. I hope I did not stray too far from the topic but again I enjoyed your blog and you are right. Silence is killing us and our people I don’t want to be a casualty in this silent war
Good stuff Corey. Powerful and so true…
Robbie Dobb Dobb! What’s up sis! Thanks for stopping through and sharing your space with me! And while we got this chance…..Let’s shout out your webpages: Friends, Countrymen lend me your EYES…some great insight on relationships–>http://www.virtuespeaks.com http://www.ibelieveinmarriage.com
Min. Cory, wow this is my second time responding to your question ” Do ask.Do tell ” I feel we should ask the person we might be dealing with in a relationship for our own health sake. If that person will not be honest,or beats around the bush , you have to let them go,and just pray for them.The statistics were so overwhelming that I got sick to my stomach. I have family and friends living with this terrible disease, and thankGod for the medicine now available for them. The group at NewBirth for Aids seem to have folded, but I would like to be apart of that ministry.The church seems to be quiet on the issue regarding asking and telling!!!
@Juanita to be clear, I am writing to address the condition of the church (and therefore people whom Christ calls the church) in which we do not create opportunities for people to be received, respected and honored when they do choose to be honest. If we can become the kind of people where people do not fear telling us their deepest, personal story, then we are becoming the community that invites people to “tell.” So less focus on the person who does not tell the truth, more focus on why I am not an individual that invites that level of confidentiality.
Minister Bradley I totally agree with you, My concern is that there are obviously individuals that what to be free from their struggles and we preach the love of God and yet( SOME) act like they have no compassion nor concern at times, it seems so easy to hear people elevate one sin over another as if justifying their sin is no big deal, When I sharred my Hiv status, the thought that kept coming to me was” What if they think I’m gay’…Just being real here and when I finally realised my sharing my freedom means someone else now has the direct access to that same freedom…because if I can be loved by the people of GOD…And it was an outpouring of it, then it inspires that individual to want it also. I don’t have time to Judge a person, I just want to treat people like they have a sign around their neck that say ” Treat Me Like I’m Important…PLEASE !!!!”
If you can get me one of those signs @ Duane Wade, could you get me one…I might not have to act-out so much LOL! But it’s true! So much of what we have defined as sin (not questioning whether it is or not) is really a cry and plea for affirmation and based in unknown, undiscovered identity. Duane you are a local legend in my book bro! Your courage, your determination, and your compassion is extraordinary. It’s an honor to have your signature on this blog! Love you sir.
Hi all,
This is a fantastic topic!……I looove everyone and i truly desire to see all delivered, restored, and in a fully thriving relationship with Daddy (Jesus Christ). This topic is deeper than we think.. and I want to handle this topic carefully. Please click the link or copy and paste it in your browser (http://www.freedomhousechurch.org/default.aspx?p=42324&maid=1156) once you do please click on the message date of :10/24/10 entitled “Pornography” although it is about pornography … light was shed about how homosexuality as well.. and I think we all can benefit from messages like these…
Jesus and I love you and HE is rooting for you and constantly interceding on your behalf for your deliverance.
Love ya ,
MUAH!
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